


Scared to Be Lonely

by Yiffandquiff (princesslexi763)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Happy Ending, High School, M/M, Mentions of dubious consent, Mpreg, NSFW, Smut, Underage - Freeform, its kind of sad at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 14:17:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13882632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesslexi763/pseuds/Yiffandquiff
Summary: Phil begins school at a new high school to avoid his past, however, he doesn’t intend for how much his life is going to change. He meets Dan, the one he’s first warned about, and develops a quick attraction for him. But when things begin to look up for Phil, someone else comes in and breaks the norm.





	Scared to Be Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> I found this story hidden in the drafts on my computer with no idea where it came from. I literally was searching and found it completely finished at 15k words and my last edit on it was October. I did a quick edit on this but I’m bad at picking up some of my own mistakes so apologizes for grammar and tense issues. Happy reading! :)

School. Just thinking about that word burned a hole inside of Phil Lester’s brain. He hated school and he hated anything that had to do with school. And more importantly, he hated that today was his first day of school: and that he was at an entirely different school than what he was accustomed to. 

Hiking his backpack higher onto his shoulders, he sighed and carried onward from his mother's SUV towards the entrance. Students were bustling around him and he felt like he was a part of one of those cheesy Lifetime movies. The air around him seemed to slow and he felt like he was walking through a thick cloud. 

His hand reached forward for the door and he grasped the handle, yanking it forward. The door didn’t move. So Phil tried again. This time with a little more force. He looked around him, watching to see if anyone was walking into the door differently.

He tried one more time, and realized with a blush that the door was meant to be pushed not pulled. With the redness in his cheeks and a lump in his throat, he figured the day couldn’t possibly go any worse. 

He’s at a new school. This is going to be a fresh start. And really, he’s going to try to make the most of it. Even if he was already starting the day off bad by _pulling_ a _push_ door. 

Phil’s footsteps felt heavy as he descended down the foreign hallway. He looked around, observing his surroundings, taking in everything around him. He was given a private tour of the school a week ago. He knew where his locker was and he knew where his homeroom was. That should be enough to get him by until he can talk with someone. 

Taking a left towards the senior hallway, the hallway he was going to mostly be in, he gulped and felt reality come crashing around him. Students were packed into the hallway like sardines in a can. There was hardly any walking room and he didn’t know how he was expected to find his locker again with all these people. 

Squeezing through the people, Phil read the numbers of the lockers and noted how they descended down in order. 1001, 1000, 999,998…finally 978. He reached through the people and said excuse me quite loudly as his classmates parted ways. 

His locker was beat up, hardly opening as he groaned and pulled hard. The locker gave way and his elbow came back and collided with something—or rather someone. Phil turned his head to see curly hair and green eyes looking back at him, “I am so sorry!” He began. “I didn’t realize that this locker opened so hard and—”

The male swung his hand in a dismissive gesture, “Don’t worry about it.” the male spoke.“I haven’t seen you before, so that means you must be new?” 

Phil nodded, feeling a sense of relief that he wasn’t going to be getting into a fight within his first hour of being at his new school, “Yes.” he spoke. “I just started here. My name is Phil.” 

The male stuck his hand out in a kind gesture. Phil grasped his hand and shook it firmly. “My name is PJ.” 

“PJ?” Phil asked with a chuckle. 

“It’s a nickname.” PJ answered with a shrug. “Just letting you know—friendly advice and all that—the homeroom bell is going to be ringing in about a minute.” 

Phil sighed and bit his lip, the bell system was completely different than his prior school. This one made him feel like he had no time to do anything. “Okay.” he spoke slowly. Just by looking at PJ, Phil could tell that he meant no harm. He seemed extremely friendly and Phil even figured that PJ could be the first friend he made here. 

So in lack of better terms—Phil did not want to mess this up. 

“Who is your homeroom?” 

Phil snapped out of his thoughts and fished in his sweatshirt pocket for the folded paper that was his schedule for the day. He looked and found the name of his teacher. “Um…English 12 with Hastwell.” 

PJ’s eyes widened and a smile broke out on his face. “Hey! That’s mine too! Come on, I’ll show you where the classroom is.” 

Phil folded the paper and pushed it back into his pocket, smiling brightly. 

Yes, Phil Lester, who couldn’t even keep a friend at his old high school, has just made his first friend before homeroom on his first day of school. 

Phil followed PJ through the hoards of students to the classroom. Luckily, the room was one of the first in the hallway so they got their rather early compared to the others. In fact, when they stepped inside, the only other person in the room was another male. 

He was sitting by himself in the middle of the room, a flower crown on his head over a mess of curls, and a pink sweater that swallowed him. He was reading, chewing on a pen and smiling. 

Phil found that he couldn’t stop staring at the male. There was just something about him that he found appealing to be around but he couldn’t put his finger on it. 

Phil took a seat behind the boy with PJ on his left side. He reached down in his backpack and took out his notebook and a pen before situating his things on his desk. He enjoyed English so he was quite excited to have English be his homeroom. PJ, on the other hand from what Phil could tell, was already bored and the class hadn’t started yet. 

He was still busy getting his things situated when he heard footsteps enter the classroom and he looked up to see a mess of jocks walk through the door. He swallowed harshly, feeling the beatings already coming. He knew how jocks were: it’s partly why he asked his mother about switching schools. 

He refused to make eye contact with any of them and he kept his gaze lowered at his empty notebook. But when one of them spoke, he couldn’t help but shoot his head up. 

“How’s my little prince today?” 

Phil furrowed his brows and scrunched his nose. Who was the jock talking to? He looked around and felt his eyes pop open wide as he saw that the one jock, a tall well built blonde, was sitting next to the flower crown boy and kissing his cheek softly. 

Feeling like he was invading on a personal moment, Phil turned his head away and looked at PJ who chuckled and whispered. “The one in the sweater is Dan and the other is his boyfriend Mitch. They’ve been together since middle school.” 

Phil felt a blush creep through his cheeks. Dang…that’s something you don’t hear of very often. In his old school, he got beat up all the time for being gay by the other jocks but here, the jock is dating a fellow male. 

This new school was definitely going to be great. 

 

******************

The first few periods of the day went by relatively fast, mostly because the first day of school meant the passing out of textbooks and syllabi. In between periods, Phil found himself walking and talking with PJ, who would point out random people as they walked by them. 

But deep down, Phil couldn’t get the image of _Dan_ out of his head. He had asked PJ about him after English, out of complete curiosity of course, because he had never known a person like Dan before. Someone who was so open with their feminine side. 

According to PJ, Dan was insanely smart. PJ even phrased that he could be the next _Einstein_ if he really wanted to be. But Dan didn’t use his smarts like he should because he spent majority of his time being smitten with his boyfriend. 

Phil was half tempted to ask more about their relationship but quickly shook it out of his head because really, it wasn’t any of his business. And he didn’t want to come off as creepy to PJ. So instead, he had opted for:

“Are you friends with Dan or Mitch?” 

PJ, who was walking on his left side, shook his head with a chuckle. “No one is friends with Dan.” 

“Why’s that?” 

PJ’s eyes widened as stopped dead in his tracks and turned his head. “ _No one,_ ” he emphasized, “is friends with Dan. No one wants to be friends with Dan.” 

“And why’s that?” Phil repeated. 

“Because no one wants to feel the wrath that is Mitch.” 

“But why should—”

“Listen,” PJ interrupted as they got to Phil’s next classroom that PJ was politely showing him to. “I’m not saying this to be mean but you shouldn’t be bringing Dan up this much. If Mitch even so much as hears you speaking Dan’s name, your body will be wrecked with bruises.” 

Phil nodded and stopped the conversation right there. He opened the door to his next class and bid PJ a goodbye until their lunch period following this last period of classes. He stepped inside, looking around and spying an empty chair. 

Walking over to the seat, he slipped into it and relaxed into the hard plastic as he bent down and opened his backpack and pulled out his unused notebook again and a pen. 

“Is this seat taken?” 

A timid voice spoke over top of Phil’s loud rustling in his bag. Looking up, he spotted what appeared to be a pink sweater before his eyes made their way up and made contact with brown orbs staring at him. 

It was Dan. He was hugging a notebook to his chest and his bag was slung on his shoulder, tugging the shoulder of his sweater down so his skin was exposed. “No!” Phil said quickly. “No, no one is sitting there.” 

Dan smiled at him, a small shy smirk before he sat down softly into the seat, hardly making a noise as he set his notebook down. Phil turned his head away, because he didn’t want Dan to think he was staring at him. 

“What’s your name?” The voice spoke again and Phil felt like he was gonna choke on his own air. 

All he could think of was PJ saying that Mitch would beat the shit out of him if he even spoke Dan’s name. But maybe this would be different because Dan is initiating the conversation? 

“Phil.” Phil spoke being polite. His hand started to reach forward but he wasn’t sure if he was breaking a boundary by shaking Dan’s hand. 

But Dan didn’t seem to mind because he quickly took Phil’s hand in his and Phil felt how soft his skin seemed. Looking down, he observed that Dan’s nails were painted with a clear glitter. 

“I’m Daniel but people call me Dan.” he said. “I noticed that you’re new and that you have had a few classes with me already so I figured that I could make an introduction.” 

Phil nodded, unsure of what to say to Dan. He was honestly just terrified of Mitch walking in and seeing him speaking with Dan. Phil didn’t need a hospital visit on his first day of school. He had enough of those in the past. 

“Yeah,” Phil spoke back, “I’ve noticed you too.” 

A blush instantly crept over Phil’s cheeks as he noticed how terribly awkward he just sounded. He wanted to crawl inside of himself and just hide from Dan. And he thought for sure that Dan would end the conversation there and go on with his time but instead…Dan laughed. He chuckled quite loudly causing Phil to look over to him. 

“Well, that can’t be a bad thing then.” Dan said with a smaller chuckle from the ones that he already was doing. “It’s hard to stick out in a school this big when all you want to do is blend in.” 

Phil was taken aback by the beautiful words that just flowed out of Dan’s mouth with seemingly no resistance. “Wow, that’s an outlook about high school that I’ve never thought about.” 

Dan shrugged his shoulders. “I just don’t like when all the attention—”

Dan’s words were stopped by a booming voice that loomed over him, Both Phil and Dan turned their heads to look up at Mitch who was standing over Dan’s desk. “Hey, baby boy.” Mitch spoke, leaning down and kissing Dan’s forehead. 

Dan blushed furiously and Phil felt extremely uncomfortable in this situation. He tried not to pay any attention to the scene that was unfolding beside him but he could see them from the corner of his eye. 

Both Dan and Mitch exchanged words that were spoken in whispers until Dan huffed and Mitch sighed. Phil figured that whatever they were arguing about was clearly something that bothered Dan—if they even were arguing but it seemed pretty much evident that they were. With a quick but lingering kiss, Mitch said his goodbyes to Dan and waltzed out of the room with his backpack slung on his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry about that.” Dan stated, bringing Phil out of the trance that he was seemingly in now. “Mitch gets like that…” his voice was soft and somber. “His jealousy sometimes gets the better of him but he means well.” 

“He’s a little scary.” Phil said, immediately closing his lips and blushing feverishly. He figured those words would be a mistake as soon as he said them. He was waiting on baited breath for Dan to latch out at him but instead, Dan’s words shocked him. 

“Yeah, he can be, but he’s a big teddy bear and he’s _my_ big teddy bear.” 

There was an awkward silence between them following that and Phil was thankful when the teacher walked in and began the class, ending the tension that was between both of them. 

All throughout class, Phil took a mental note of how Dan acted beside him. He fiddled with his pencil a lot. He doodled little zen designs on the margins of his notebook. When the teacher passed around a few books, Dan just grabbed them and threw them in his bag, not even reading the titles. He just had the attitude that he didn’t care. And maybe it wasn’t so much that he didn’t care but he had so much on his mind that he _didn’t care_ about what was actually happening, but rather he cared about whatever was plaguing his mind. 

Class ended, and Phil purposely took his time putting his materials away in his bag to wait for Dan. But when he looked up from zipping his bag, Dan was already rushing out of the room, not even acknowledging the others in the room that were staring at his quick departure. 

With a defeated sigh, Phil got up himself and headed out of the classroom. He was fully expecting to continue onto his next class, but was greeted instead by a red faced Dan and a clearly angered Mitch. They were arguing in the hallway, a small crowd forming around them. 

It appeared that whatever fight they were having was serious because Dan looked nearly like he was going to fall into a fit of tears. He was pointing and clearly spewing angry words but Mitch seemed to stop him. Phil watched as Mitch’s arms came around Dan and yanked him close, letting him get out whatever anger he needed to release. Dan’s hands hit Mitch’s chest in a continuous way until he gave in and just relaxed into him. 

Phil felt like he was intruding on them and turned on his heels fast, walking away and ignoring what he had just watched transpire. He didn’t know what could have set Dan off like that and he didn’t know if he ever would. Maybe it had something to do with the talk that they had before the class started, but regardless, it was clear they both had unresolved emotions towards each other. 

He would need to talk to PJ about this. 

**************

“I watched Dan and Mitch get into a fight today.” Phil spoke as he sat across from PJ at the lunch table. 

PJ’s eyes widened as he got ready to speak.“What do you mean?” 

“Well,” Phil began, “Dan and I got talking to one another in our class this morning and Mitch walked in. And I guess whatever Mitch saw he didn’t like because him and Dan were in a heated argument for most of the time. And then they kissed and Mitch left so I didn’t think anything of it. But then after class, I walked out and saw them and they were nearly screaming at each other. And Dan was crying and he appeared really upset but then Mitch grabbed him and everything seemed fine.” 

PJ shook his head. “Man, never thought I’d see the day where the power duo got into a fight.” 

“Why, has it never happened before?” 

PJ shook his head. “If it has, it was never talked about.” 

Phil just nodded along, thinking about PJ’s words. He felt like he had witnessed something so rare, and that he should treasure the memory…in a weird and convoluted way. 

“That’s so odd, then,” Phil stated, “But I feel like it’s weird to be invested in their relationship like this.” 

“Yeah,” PJ added, “You have a point.” 

They continued their lunch, eating away at their food and enjoying small conversations. Most them had to do with how Phil’s first day was going. But all in all, Phil was just really happy to have a friend and not have bullies already on his first day. He knew he didn’t look exactly like what most people would think he would. His black hair was shaggy and his clothing was mostly black. But he finally felt like he was beginning to fit in. 

Lunch ended and Phil said his goodbyes to PJ before he padded away to his next class. He had to stop and ask someone when he found himself in a completely unrelated hallway, but other than that, everything was going great. 

His classes the rest of the day went by slowly, but when the final bell rang, he was extremely happy to get out and go home, and enjoy the freedom of the rest of the day. Embarrassing as it was, his mom wanted to pick him up on his first day of school, so when he went out the front doors, he was looking around for a blue Ford Escape to come into view. 

Not seeing her in his peripheral vision, he looked around. His eyes caught sight of something interesting just to his right. It was Dan and Mitch. Dan had his back against Mitch’s car, and they appeared to be really close to each other. Phil thought it looked odd but then he brushed it off as just normal couple PDA: meaning that Dan and Mitch had made up. 

He was grabbed from his thoughts to hear the honking of a car horn. He looked in front of him and spotted his mothers SUV parked in front. Hurrying before anyone could see him, he got into her car and smiled at her. 

“How did you first day go?” She asked. 

“Great!” Phil answered with genuine enthusiasm.“I already made a friend, his name is PJ.” 

“That’s so great to hear Phil!” his mother chimed is as she pulled out of the school parking lot. 

She was still talking as Phil looked at his window. Once again, he caught a glimpse of Dan and Mitch out his window. This time, their gestures seemed intimate, as Mitch was touching Dan all over. Phil sighed to himself, grateful he wasn’t going to witness that PDA anymore. 

The car ride home seemed to take forever, but Phil also had to remember that he wasn’t in the same school district he used to be in. The car ride was going to be a few minutes longer. But once they were home, his mother began to speak again, and this time in much darker tones. 

“I just got the bill from the school about the tax I have to pay given that we don’t live in the district.” she said. “And I don’t know how I’m going to afford the fee.” 

Phil’s face fell. “Mom, are you sure?” 

“Phil, we’re barely paying the bills and this is just an added bill on the ones we already have.” she said sadly. “We may have to put you back into the other school.” 

Phil shook his head, reluctant to go back. “No,” he said. “I’ll get a job myself and help you, mom!” 

“Phil, I can’t let you do that.” 

“But I want to mom, I want to help you.” 

She rushed over and gave him a hug, a motherly gesture that mad him feel really relaxed. He smiled to her before pulling back. “You’re such a great boy, Phil.” she said, leaning up and kissing his cheek which made him blush. “What did I do to deserve such a great son?” 

Phil just chuckled and pulled out his phone, already going into the search browser to look up local jobs. “That’s a very open ended question.” 

She swatted his arm and they both laughed, the tension instantly relieved. “Do you have any homework yet?” 

Phil shook his head. “No, but it’ll come soon.” 

Following that, she let him go to his room, where Phil sat down on his bed and plugged his headphones into his phone, allowing for the sound of Muse to drown his thoughts. 

*****

It’s been a week now since the beginning of school, and Phil has been having a great time. Not only does he have more friends already, but he’s currently hanging out with PJ right now before his job interview at six. He was hoping to get a job at the local convenience shop, some place he knew he was going to enjoy working. 

PJ and him are in the middle of playing Mario Kart. Phil is losing hopelessly but he’s laughing nonetheless at how bad he is. PJ is purposely shooting items behind them to try and hit Phil, but it’s all in good fun. And they’re enjoying themselves. 

The round is over and Phil get’s ninth and PJ gets second, and they both laugh about it. But then PJ says something that quickly echoes in Phil’s room. “Dan and Mitch broke up.” 

Phil choked on his own breath and sputtered, having to clear his throat a few times before speaking out. “You’re kidding!” 

PJ shook his head. “No, I’m actually not.” he said. “My friend Chris sits next to Dan in his Art class and I guess Dan just casually brought it up. Like, Chris didn’t even say anything to him and Dan just mentioned something about being heart broken and Art helping him and then, he just said he was coping with being single.” 

Phil’s eyes widen. “So no other details?” he asked, feeling like a gossiping school girl. 

PJ shook his head. “Chris was too in shock to say anything to him. He just let Dan speak but Dan himself didn’t say anything other.”

Phil shook his head, taking in the information and not being sure how to process it. He was going to see Dan in class tomorrow, so he was thinking about talking to him. Not even asking him anything in regards to Mitch but maybe seeing if Dan will say anything to him about it. He was curious now. He had heard so much about him and Mitch that Phil wanted to know if the break up thing was real. 

And he wondered for how long. 

Did that fight in the hallway that first day end up being the breaking point? Or was their relationship never as perfect as anyone thought it was? 

There were just so many questions. 

“So many guys are gonna be after Dan now.” PJ stated. “That poor boy is gonna be like fresh meat.” 

“Why’s that?” 

“Because it’s Dan. Every gay guy—and straight guy for that matter—has been pining over Dan since he hit puberty. God, Dan has always been so attractive and so feminine. Even I can admit that I’d hit that if given the chance. Mitch was a lucky guy and it’s a shame to see he gave him up.” 

“Maybe Mitch didn’t give him up.” Phil said. “Maybe Dan let him go.” 

PJ shrugged. “Well, never know.” 

Phil nodded, effectively ending the conversation at that. They played on a few more rounds of Mario Kart before the alarm on his phone told him that he needed to get ready for his interview. He had PJ help pick out his outfit and then he headed off, walking to the store with an anxious step. 

Less than an hour later, he was walking out with some paper work in his hand and his first schedule already made. He was super excited and happy to help out his mother so he could remain at the school. He loved this school, as much as he never thought he’d admit it, and he didn’t want to leave it. 

Once he was back home, he signed onto his laptop and scrolled through his social media, the entire time thinking of what PJ had said about how Dan and Mitch has broken up. In a terrible way, Phil felt relieved to hear that. And maybe it was because he had developed a slight crush on Dan as well. But he knew he was out of his league by a lot. He wasn’t anytime like a Mitch. 

He got up an hour early for the school the next morning and spent the entire extra hour working on his appearance. He felt the need to look good for Dan, but he knew he didn’t need to. It’s just a feeling he was getting though. 

Phil’s mom dropped him off once more to school, like she always did unless she was stuck working. He walked inside the school, meeting PJ and Chris by the door before they headed deeper inside of the building. They passed through the crowds of people, Phil bumping into some occasionally. But he took no notice. He got to his locker and picked up his stuff before shutting it and heading off to the first class. 

Once inside, he spotted Dan right away in the corner. He was wearing a pair of sweatpants that seemed baggy on his thin frame. A large sweatshirt swallowed him whole and his body seemed frail. Phil took it as the definite sign of a break up. He seemed extremely broken up, and Phil suddenly felt bad about saying he felt relief from hearing it. He had to think about Dan. If Dan really did love Mitch, of course the break up was going to be hard on him. They had been together for a long time and that would hurt for it to suddenly end. 

Phil turned his view away and looked at PJ, who just shrugged and sighed. 

The class went by seemingly fast. 

The next class did as well and Phil took notice that Dan never showed up. He didn’t even walk into the classroom. Phil tried to not feel like it bothered him but he couldn’t help it. He was genuinely felt bad for Dan now, and wanted to talk to him and help him, even if he didn’t know him that well. 

Lunch period seems to come, and Phil finds himself in line to get his food. PJ is stood next to him, complaining about the quality of the food, but Phil is too busy looking at the sad brown haired boy sitting at the table by himself, curled into a ball but eating small bites at the same time. 

“…my mom pays $40 a month for this food and all I get is grilled cheese that’s one slice thick and not even melted.” 

Phil hit PJ’s arm slightly and pointed nonchalantly to Dan. “Dan is sat by himself.” 

PJ turned and faced where Phil was pointing, before both of them moved further down the line. “Oh man, he looks sad as fuck.” 

Phil nodded. “I’m gonna sit with him.” 

“And ditch me?” 

Phil rolled his eyes. “Dan looks really sad and I think I can cheer him up.” 

PJ smirked. “Trying to charm Dan?” 

Phil shook his head. “No, that’d be wrong. Poor Dan is just hurting right now and needs a friend. And like you told me the first day, Dan doesn’t have any friends.” 

“Fair point, my good fellow.” 

Phil chuckled as he headed up to the register and input his number before heading off, straight for Dan’s table. He got to the end and looked down, noticing Dan’s small hand escaping the confines of his sweatshirt sleeve, and reaching for half of his grilled cheese. 

Phil took a deep breath and headed down the aisle, taking a seat across from Dan. Dan startled, jumping and intaking a breath before letting it go and relaxing. Phil assumed it was because Dan thought he was someone else…possibly Mitch. 

“How are you?” Phil asked, softly, as he opened his milk cartoon and took a sip, wincing at how it was frozen. 

Dan shrugged. “I’ve been better.” he whispered, his voice barely there. He continued to nibble on his food, and Phil couldn’t help but notice that he had a lot of food on his tray, more than the normal amount. 

“You know,” Phil says after a moments pause, “We may not know each other that well but I heard about you and…Mitch…and I just wanted to say that if you needed someone to talk to, I’m more than willing to be that someone.” 

Dan smiled at him, and muttered a “Thank you,” before going back to eating. 

They didn’t speak the rest of the lunch period, and an awkward silence filled the void. But at the end of the period, Dan passed Phil a napkin with a number scratched on it with the name Dan underneath, and Phil smiled to himself at the idea of getting Dan’s number. 

******

Phil’s first day on the job goes well. He’s cash trained on how to properly handle money and work the cash register, and then he’s taught how to do inventory around the store. However, Phil wasn’t very good at stocking the items, so his manager just kept him on the cash register mostly. 

His shift was due to end in thirty minutes, and he was busy counting the cash in the register to do a cash drop when the door rang and he turned his head to the entrance. He did a double take when he saw a certain brown hair male walk through the doors. 

It was Dan. His hair was shaggy and pushed behind his ear. His torso was donned with a baggy sweatshirt and he was wearing a pair of sweatpants, but a different color than the ones he had been wearing to school the last few days. He was in a hurry, practically running to the pharmaceutical department of the store. Phil watched with intent as Dan disappeared in the aisles of shelves. 

Phil went back to his job, putting the discarded cash into the money bag and zipping it tight before closing the cash drawer and logging out of the register. Moments later, Dan walked fast by him, a small blue bag in his hand. 

“Hey Dan!” 

Dan jumped and quickly turned his head. He looked—more like stared—at Phil before a smile broke out on his face and he walked over to him, his steps soft and careful, as if to not make any noise. 

“Hey, I didn’t know you worked here,” Dan spoke as he stuffed the blue bag into the pocket of his sweatshirt, “Did you just start?” 

Phil nodded.“Yeah, I just started tonight actually.” 

Dan smirked. “Oh, that’s cool!” he paused. “I don’t mean to run off but my mom is waiting in the car and I need to get back out. I’ll see you later, Phil!” 

Dan waved goodbye and rushed out of the store. Phil watched as he got into a black sedan and the car pulled away. Phil found it weird how quick Dan’s entrance and departure was, and how he hid the bag from Phil in his pocket. But he didn’t dwell on it. The fact that Dan actually spoke to him was a miracle in itself honestly. 

When his shift ended, Phil drove back to his home. His mother had promised him that she would align her shifts so he could use her vehicle and not walk, so Phil was grateful for that. On the way home, he passed by all the similar houses that he was now curious as to who lived in them. Maybe Dan lived in one those homes? Shaking his head, he ignored the creepy thought that plagued his mind and moved on, driving in silence home. 

He checked his cell phone for the first time in five hours as soon as he walked into his bedroom. He scrolled through the notifications and saw one was a friend request from Daniel Howell. Phil was unsure if this was the same Dan, but the minute he popped onto Dan’s Facebook, he knew it was. The same Dan that was in the sweats earlier was pictured in a beautiful blue top with a pair of white jeans, a flower crown perched on his head. And he looked happy: completely and utterly happy. This made Phil smile because his goal was to make Dan this happy again. 

He quickly accepted the friend request. 

That night, Phil fell asleep with a smile on his face. But not before he got a Facebook message from Dan saying: 

**Sorry for rushing out of the store. I had told my mom I’d only be a second so she expected me to just be a second. Anyways, see you in class tomorrow! xxx**

Phil didn’t reply back, but if he had, he knew he would have embarrassed himself. So he settled for just reading the message over and over again before falling asleep. 

The next day at school was different. When Phil walked into the building with PJ at his side, he thought the ambiance was completely changed. Not only were people more somber, but something felt really wrong. And his fears were confirmed as he heard screaming in the middle of the hallway. 

Quickly running to the scene in curiosity, PJ and Phil take a second to access what was happening. And it is very clear what it wsa. Dan was stood with his back against the locker and Mitch was towering over him, his hands grasping onto Dan’s shirt to the point that a small tear is becoming visible. Dan was crying and swatting at him, telling him to leave but Mitch was resisting. 

The sight made Phil sick to his stomach. 

But the next sight made him hold back a gag. 

A small crowd was gathered now, and that must have made Mitch angry because he suddenly let go of Dan and shoved him hard into the locker. Dan let out a squeal of ‘ow’ before crying harder as he slid to the floor. 

Phil was ready to rush in there and kick Mitch’s ass but someone had already beat him to it, yanking Mitch away from Dan. Mitch left, a scoff leaving his throat as he walked away. The small crowd left too, leaving Dan a blubbering mess on the floor of the hallway. 

“Damn…did Mitch really just do that?” PJ asked, pure shock in his voice. 

Phil shook his head and shoved away from PJ, immediately walking over to Dan. Dan looked up at him, his noise a mess of snot and tears. His cheeks red and his eyes puffy. Phil bent down,  looking Dan eye to eye before seeing that Dan was holding and covering his stomach. “Did Mitch hit you?” Phil asked. 

Dan shook his head. “No, he just got really angry.” 

“Why did he get angry?” 

Dan shrugged. “It’s Mitch…it’s why we broke up.” 

Phil took the time to sit down on the floor with Dan in the hallway, looking him over to make sure he was definitely okay but it just looked like he was shaken up at the moment. 

“Hey,” Dan said suddenly, “I don’t feel like being here today, so do you want to skip school with me?” 

“Skip—”

“Yeah, let’s skip,” Dan said, suddenly standing up. “I can’t be here right now and am going to leave regardless, so do you wanna skip with me?” 

******

If you would have asked Phil a few weeks ago that he was would be eating ice cream for lunch with the most attractive boy he has ever seen, he would have laughed it off. But now here he is, sitting across from Dan on a bench at this random ice cream place they found via Google. 

And Phil could not stop staring at Dan’s ice cream. 

Dan had ordered a banana split,  and asked for extra ice cream with it. And why? 

_Because he was craving it._

“Mmm…” Dan moaned as he ate the ice cream from the spoon. “I have been craving ice cream so badly lately and I needed this…I really needed this.” 

“I can tell,” Phil said with a laugh as he poked around at his one scoop of vanilla ice cream. Truth be told, he didn’t really want ice cream, nor want to eat it because of his lactose problem. But he knew Dan wanted it so he got it too. 

Dan continued to eat it down, sometimes stopping to place a hand on his belly and hum. Phil was unsure if Dan was going to ever finish the ice cream, but sure enough, he did. Probably in a record time too. All while Phil still had some of his ice cream left. 

“Do you want mine?” Phil asked, handing him the melted ice cream. “I’ve had enough of it.” 

Dan’s face lit up and he grabbed for it. “Oh my God, yes!” He exclaimed, immediately eating it. “Mitch used to never give me his food.” Phil’s face fell at the mention of Mitch, and Dan noticed it fairly quickly. His expression fell and he sighed, relaxing into the bench. “I’m sorry for bringing him up,” he said, “it’s just hard to not think of him, ya know? When someone becomes your life for so long it’s hard to see how to function without them.” 

Phil nodded, “Yeah, I’m sorry.” 

Dan shrugged, his eyes suddenly glossy with tears, a few of them slipping but he caught them, “It’s okay.” he said. “Our relationship was a long ways from perfect. We hadn’t been happy for a long time and this was kind of just the breaking point.” 

“What was?” 

“Oh…nothing.” Dan recanted. “But thanks for letting me vent a little bit about it. It helps to finally have a friend. Mitch never used to let me have any, so I’m really grateful for you stepping up and attempting to be friends.” 

“I can’t promise I’ll be good at it.” Phil said with a smile. “I didn’t have many myself in my old school.” 

“Hm…you’re doing a great job so far.” Dan said with a smirk. “But tell me about yourself. Let me get to know Phil Lester.” 

Phil sat back and thought. What was there to tell about himself? Well, not much to be honest. 

“Um…I went to high school over at Willow Grove but I was bullied constantly for being different so I switched to Nottingham which has been treating me well. I come from a single mother who is trying her best to make ends meet for us. I don’t have hardly any friends besides you, PJ, and Chris. And I also really like video games and Muse.” 

Dan smiled at that, licking off more of the ice cream before pushing the cup away with a grimace. “Well, Phil Lester, I think your story was rather exciting. But it’s sad to hear you were bullied…but if it helps you any, I was too. Before I started dating Mitch anyway. I was a nerd. I wasn’t seen as cool: I was seen as a freak.” his expression turned serious. “When Mitch and I first got together, people warned me about him. They told me I was too young and naive to believe Mitch would actually want anything to do with me besides my body. But when I was 14, I didn’t care about that. I was just glad to have someone finally like me and give me attention without bullying me. And then the next four years were a blur of a relationship that started perfect to then nothing. Not to get personal but up until the last week Mitch and I were together, we had only had sex once in the last six months when he basically begged me into it. But that’s how our relationship was.” 

“That’s actually really harrowing to hear.” 

Dan nodded. “I don’t want to scare you away by throwing my entire life story at you, but I’ll thank you immensely for listening to me.” 

They sat in silence for a few moments, taking in the friendship between them that was brewing. Dan got up to throw away their empty containers before coming back to sit down. As Dan was sitting, Phil gathered the courage to speak again. “Do you want to come over to my house for awhile? My mom is working late today so it’ll be just us.” 

The minute the statement and question left his mouth, he wanted to face palm. Because it sounded like he was asking Dan for something else besides just friendly hanging out. But Dan caught the real reasoning and smiled. “Yeah, that sounds great actually because my parent’s are home and assume I’m learning.” 

They both laughed at Dan’s word choice before they got up from their picnic table and headed off in the direction towards Phil’s house. 

********

Dan looked peaceful. 

That was the only way he could describe him as he slept on his bed. Phil was sure that Dan never intended to Phil asleep as soon as he got to Phil’s house, but it happened anyway. And now Dan just looked so peaceful and beautiful and Phil couldn’t stop staring at him. 

Dan didn’t even tell Phil he was tired or he was going to fall asleep. Phil had left to use the bathroom and he came back to see Dan sleeping on his bed. He wasn’t upset about it, because he assumed the poor boy wasn’t getting hardly any sleep because of the break up. 

So he allowed for Dan to sleep as he watched over him like a guardian angel. 

Dan asked to stay the night at Phil’s house. Phil wasn’t expecting it, especially when he wasn’t even used to their new budding friendship. But he didn’t deny Dan. He told him he could because he knew if the boy was hurting, he’d want to be there for him. 

But it was what happened the next morning that really scared Phil. He had woken up to his alarm clock, like normal, and saw Dan’s sleeping form next to him, donned in one of Phil’s black shirts that he borrowed for the night. 

Phil gently woke up Dan, telling him that he needed to get up for school. But instead of the usual answer when being woken up, Dan suddenly said, “Ow, my belly.” 

Phil couldn’t figure out what he meant until Dan was sitting up in bed. He appeared to be swaying back and forth, almost rocking, he sat up. He held his stomach tightly, bent over and taking deep breaths. Phil sat up next to him and reached over hesitantly, touching his back, “Are you okay?” Phil asked. 

Dan nodded, “Yeah, this has been happening every morning…I’ll be okay.” 

Dan sat still for a moment, not moving. And then he was suddenly bolting up from the bed and running out of the room. Phil stood up and followed him, just in time to see Dan run into the bathroom and he could hear the vomiting from outside the door. 

He just stood outside and listened, waiting for Dan to come out. When Dan did, his face was flushed and he appeared to look better. When Phil asked him if he needed medicine, Dan just shook his head and walked back to Phil’s room. They didn’t say another word until they walked to school together. 

*********

That was nearly a month ago,  and now, as Phil sits with Dan on his bed, he can say he’s absolutely smitten with the dark haired boy. Their friendship happened fast. They hung out all the time in school, and every day after school. They were practically inseparable. And even now, as Dan is sat with his legs crossed and his laptop balanced on his thighs, Phil can see the sheer beauty that is in his newly found best friend. 

For starters, Dan has a natural beauty already to him. He doesn’t need to try hard to achieve it. His crater like dimples and childlike innocence help too. And when he smiles, his smile is something out of a movie, something so surreal but yet beautiful. And those are just a few of his qualities. 

When Phil first told PJ about his crush, PJ scolded him and told him he was insane for falling for Dan. And at first, Phil got defensive with PJ but then he thought about it, and he was right. Dan just got out of a long term relationship and probably had no use to be in another one. And Phil didn’t have a right to push himself onto Dan and announce he liked him. So he’s been slowly gawking over the boy ever since. 

“Hey, Phil,” Dan suddenly says as he closes his laptop and moves it off to the side, “I’m getting hungry but I don’t know where any of your food is, can you make me something?” 

And of course, Phil dropped everything he was doing—which wasn’t much, mind you—and jumped up, “What would you like?” 

Dan smiled for a moment and then blushed, “Um…it’s kind of weird but bear with me…a peanut butter and pickle sandwich.” 

Phil furrowed his brows: this had to be a joke. He crossed his arms over his chest and laughed, “Are you sure?” he asked. “Did you mean peanut butter and jelly? Or fluff? Are you sure pickles?” 

Dan nodded fast. “Yes! I’ve been craving pickles so badly! And peanut butter! If you do this, you’ll be my best friend forever.” 

Phil laughed and uncrossed his arms, walking out of the room with the strange request playing over and over again in his head. Heading down the stairs, he saw his mom standing in their kitchen, making herself a sandwich as well. He headed into the kitchen and fished around the cupboards, locating their peanut butter and then reaching in their refrigerator and grabbing the jar of pickles. Putting them out on the counter, he grabbed two slices of bread from the bag, his mother staring at him intently. 

“What are you making?” she asked with a hearty laugh. 

Phil chuckled and put the two pieces of bread on a plate and grabbed a butter knife to spread the peanut butter on, “Dan was having a craving.” 

Phil’s mom cocked an eyebrow and chuckled. “That looks like a pregnancy craving.” 

Phil turned and furrowed his brows. “Mom, Dan’s a boy.” 

His mother nodded, a look of ‘well obviously’ on her face. “Well, yeah, Phil, I know that. I’ve seen him walking around here. I’m just saying. Poor boy has the appetite of a pregnant woman.” 

She picked up her own sandwich and took a bite before nodding goodbye and heading out of the room. Phil stood there, his hand halfway through placing a pickle on the sandwich when he looked down and realized to the full extent what he was making. He was making this weird concoction of a sandwich. 

He continued to put the pickle on the peanut butter and proceeded to do so with two more pickles before closing the sandwich and putting everything away. Grabbing the plate, he headed upstairs. Rounding the corner to his room, he opened the door and fully expected to see Dan waiting for him. But instead, he was greeted by the image of Dan, sprawled out of his bed, sleeping once again. Dan slept a lot and Phil noticed that but it was okay. 

But he noticed something different today though. Dan’s shirt was pulled up past his belly and Phil could see a slightly protruding bump-like round stomach. And he thought that was odd. He couldn’t stop staring at it until Dan moved in a jerky motion and his eyes opened. He tugged down the hem of his shirt and slowly turned to look at Phil. “I’m so sorry. I’m always tired and your bed is just super comfy.” 

Phil shrugged it off and handed him the sandwich. “It’s fine, I don’t mind,” he said, sitting down on the bed as Dan sat up. 

Phil took careful notice of Dan’s stomach as he sat. His shirt seemed to be a little tighter than normal but he didn’t really show any other signs of anything. Not even as he hummed and ate down his sandwich as Phil held back a gag because the thought of the taste had to be disgusting. But Dan seemed to really like it. 

He finished the sandwich down in record time, and sighed in content before putting the plate down on Phil’s nightstand. Phil watched as he rubbed his belly and hummed quickly before retracting his hand and laying back down, “What time is it?” he asked. 

Phil pulled out his phone, “A quarter to five.” 

“Ooh, okay, want to watch a movie?” 

Together, they picked out the movie Kill Bill before both settling down on Phil’s bed to watch it. There was nothing romantic about their gestures, it was all completely platonic. But Phil still enjoyed having Dan laying next to him as they watched the movie on his laptop. 

An hour into it, Phil left to go to the bathroom, leaving behind Dan who was too into the movie to have noticed anyway. He made quick work of relieving his aching bladder before heading back to the room. When he pushed open the door, he was given a surprise.

“Why are you making my life so difficult?” 

Phil stopped in his tracks. Was Dan talking to someone on the phone? He peeked his head inside the door and noticed…no, he definitely was not. 

“I love you so much already, my little peanut but God, are you making my life difficult.” 

Dan was sat up in Phil’s bed, his shirt hiked up past his stomach to reveal a small bump. His hands were rubbing the bump was such gentle and soothing movements. Phil doesn’t know what to do. Does he walk back out and then act like nothing happened? Does he say something? 

He just stood there. 

Phil was almost ready to turn back around when Dan looked up and his jaw dropped open, his eyes wide. “Oh…no…you weren’t supposed to see this.” he whispered. 

Phil walked into the room. 

“What…what are you doing?” 

Dan retracted his hands away from his stomach and sat back, pulling his shirt back down to cover it. He looked to be on the verge of tears and Phil had no idea what he should do. He was just stuck standing there as the movie played in the background. 

“Can you…um…can you come sit? Please? I need to tell you.” 

Phil snapped out of his trance and walked forward, closer to the bed where he sat down next to Dan. Dan turned, facing him more and began to speak. 

“I don’t quite know…” he started out slowly, “…how my body was able to do this, but um…I’m pregnant,” he said softly, “And Mitch is obviously the other father.” 

Phil took a moment to process what Dan had just said. It was this giant truth bomb that he was unsure of what to do or say. He didn’t quite know what were correct actions. 

Dan continued, “I found out about the baby around two weeks ago. I went to the first appointment for it last week and I’m about thirteen weeks, which isn’t very far but I’ve just passed over the first trimester,” Dan stopped talking for a moment, “It’s why Mitch and I broke up.” 

Phil was taken back by Dan’s response, “Why would…” 

“I was scared of having a baby so young,” Dan said, “And I guess that was enough of a thought to upset Mitch too because the night I told him I was having his baby, he broke up with me.” 

Phil watched as a tear slid down Dan’s cheek and landed on the collar of his shirt, “I wanted to make it work with Mitch but I knew it wouldn’t. Who would actually want a baby when they’re only a teen?” He wrapped his arms around himself, “The doctor told me I still have options…but I don’t know what to do. I already love it so much and I don’t know what I would do.” 

Without thinking, Phil leaned forward and gathered Dan in his arms, holding him close as he cried into his shoulder, “You don’t have to make that decision on your own,” he whispered, “I’ll be there to help you in any decision you need to make…if you want me to be of course.” 

Dan nodded and looked up, his cheeks tear stained, “I need someone to be there for me, Phil…I…I don’t have any one right now and it hurts.” 

Leaning forward, Phil placed a chaste kiss on Dan’s forehead, letting linger a second before pulling back. He stared at Dan who smiled at him before leaning in and connecting their lips in a kiss. It was short, and hardly even there, but the sparks between them was instant. Dan pulled back and rubbed Phil’s cheek with his hand, “I’ll always be here for you, Dan.” 

“Thank you.” 

Dan curled up into Phil and they both sat back on the bed, laying down together. Phil rubbed his hand in a soothing gesture over Dan’s back and Dan snuggled closer into him, almost as if to disappear within Phil. They fell asleep like that, until Dan’s phone rang and it was his parent’s, worrying about what time he was coming home. So he left, but not before letting himself kiss Phil one more time. 

******

Neither one of them had said to the other that they were dating, but their body language suggested it. In school, Dan was clingy, always making sure Phil was within his grasp. And that wasn’t a bad thing, in fact, Phil enjoyed it. But that left plenty of room for others to question them. 

Including PJ. 

PJ was the first to say something to him as they sat together at lunch. Dan had left briefly to use the bathroom so PJ took it as an opportunity to ask Phil about him and Dan, “So what’s going on between you two?” 

Phil shrugged and smiled, “Um…well, I guess you can say we’re dating.” 

PJ’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened, “Phil, you’re going to get your ass beat if Mitch ever finds—”

“Mitch isn’t going to care, trust me, Dan has already told me everything.” 

“I told you what?” Dan asked as he adjusted his sweatshirt and sat down at the table. 

Dan immediately latched onto Phil, grabbing at his arm and wrapping his arms around it, snuggling in close to him. He rested his head on Phil’s shoulder and sighed, “Hey, don’t fall asleep.” 

Dan smiled and chuckled before turning his head and kissing Phil’s neck, “Mmm…but you’re so comfy.” 

“This is disgusting.” 

“Oh shut it.” Phil laughed at PJ as he playfully rolled his eyes and angrily took a bite from his makeshift taco. 

As if on cue, Phil looked up in time to see Mitch walk by with his group of friends. They looked like a pack: Mitch the Alpha and all the rest his followers. The glare on his face shot daggers into Phil’s spine but he ignored it, the weight of Dan on his arm comforting him in knowing Dan chose him. And Dan was carrying Mitch’s child. 

Phil also became aware the Dan had looked up too, maintaining eye-contact with Mitch as he walked slowly down the aisle, towards his table. Dan let go on Phil’s arm, his warmth suddenly absent. He sat up straighter, adjusting his shirt before standing up, “I need to go speak to Mitch.” he said. “I’ll be right back.” 

Phil watched as Dan walked away, from the side, his small belly was stretching his shirt in the cutest way possible—well, it was cute for Phil. He didn’t know how anyone else felt. He observed Dan over to the table and sitting down next to Mitch. He watched as Dan put his hand on Mitch’s arm and began speaking. 

“Don’t do that.” 

Phil turned towards PJ. “Do what?” 

“Don’t turn into a Mitch.” he stated. “Don’t watch Dan’s every move. Dan is really into you, I can tell that from his body language. He probably just needs to say something to him as closure. Everything is fine.” 

Phil pouted and turned his attention back to his food, trying to not let the hurt read on his face. 

In was only a minute before Dan was walking back. Phil looked up at the sound of his footsteps and noted Dan’s tear stained cheeks. He immediately tensed, opening his arms and letting Dan slide into them as he sat down. Dan wasn’t crying anymore, but his breathing was still heavy and wavered, “What happened?” 

Dan shook his head.“I’ll tell you later.” 

Phil nodded and leaned down, kissing his forehead gently. 

****

“I have my first ultrasound tomorrow.” 

Phil turned to look at Dan, who was sitting cross legged on the wood floor. Dan had told Phil he was feeling a little dizzy tonight, so Phil took him outside on his porch where they have been sat for the past hour. They talked minimally the entire time, until now when Dan seemed finally ready to carry a conversation. 

“Are you excited?” Phil asked. 

Dan nodded. “Yeah, I’m really excited to finally see my baby.” 

Dan smiled, a quick short smile, that was soon deflected as he sighed. “I tried asking Mitch to go with me,” he began, “because I really want Mitch to see his child. But Mitch refused. He told me he wanted nothing to do with it.” 

Phil felt sadness pang his heart at the selfless act Dan had tried to do that Mitch rejected. All Dan was asking was for Mitch to see the creation that they had made together but he clearly wasn’t ready for it. “I’m sorry he reacted that way.” 

Dan shrugged and sniffled. “It hurt when he first rejected the offer, but then I remembered that I don’t need him anymore…” he stopped. “Because I have you.” 

Dan leaned forward, kissing Phil soundly on the lips before pulling back, “Do you want me to go with you?” 

Dan nodded. 

And that was how Phil ended up sitting in the hospital waiting area with Dan who was busy filling out paperwork. Dan was nervous, Phil could tell that much. And really he couldn’t blame him. Phil had taken off the evening from work to attend Dan’s appointment with him and he was just as nervous himself. He didn’t know how he would react seeing the baby. He was still partially in shock about the baby even being in there: in the stomach that Phil got to feel every time Dan spent the night. 

Dan finished the paperwork, and Phil watched as he turned it in to the receptionist and sat back down. The waiting room was empty, except for a young couple sitting in the back. Phil noticed how big the woman was, clearly almost ready to give birth, and looked down at Dan. Dan was scrolling through something on his phone, his arms were covering over his stomach slightly. But his bump was still visible. One day soon, Dan was going to be as big as that women, full of baby and life and that thought was so appealing to Phil. He couldn’t wait for that day. 

“Daniel Howell?” The nurse called out, reading from the clipboard in her hand. 

Dan’s head popped up and Phil’s did too. Dan took Phil’s hand in his and immediately squeezed it, both of them standing up and following the voice of the nurse. They were taken down the long hallway before being placed in a room on the right side. 

“Can you lay down for me?” The nurse asked and Dan reluctantly let go of Phil’s hand to do so. 

Dan sat down and got comfortable, or Phil assumed the best he could because of the stiffness of the bed. Dan took a few heavy breaths and Phil took hold of his hand again. 

“Can I get your birthdate?” 

“June 11th.” 

“And your full name?” 

“Daniel James Howell.” 

The nurse nodded and verified the information before beginning to set everything up. 

Phil turned to Dan and squeezed his hand. “Are you excited?” 

“Yeah,” Dan squeaked out, “I just never thought I’d ever be going through this.” 

“Me either.” 

“Well, my congratulations are due for you both.” The nurse interrupted. “You two must be very excited.” 

Phil almost corrected her, telling her that he shouldn’t be congratulated because he wasn’t the father. But he bit his lip just in time for Dan to say a rather cheerful. “Thank you.” 

“Okay, lift you shirt up.” The nurse said. “I just need to apply the gel to your abdomen and then we’ll see the baby.” 

Dan nodded and sat up, pulling his shirt up over his stomach. Phil gaped in awe, because it was one of the first times he’s ever seen Dan without a shirt. Dan typically will let Phil touch his stomach with the shirt on, but never off. Phil will sometimes dip his hands underneath the fabric and feel the bump that way but that’s pretty much all. 

But now, looking down at Dan, he sees that beautiful tiny bump. It was barely protruding over his waistline, but it was still there and so…amazing. It left Phil speechless because Dan looked so beautiful in his eyes this way. 

The nurse began to apply the gel to his stomach, and a cold chill ran down Dan’s spine and his hand shook in Phil’s. Right after, the nurse began the ultrasound. Dan made a grimace at the amount of pressure she was applying to his stomach, Phil could tell because of the dip in his skin. 

“Okay, you guys ready?” She asked. 

Both Dan and Phil turned there heads towards the screen to see it: a perfectly formed baby was sitting on the screen. The little silhouette was moving, bobbing along inside the spacious womb. But it was so real. It was so small, but also so vividly there. 

“It’s a little too early to tell the sex right now.” The nurse added. “So I think when we schedule your appointment for four weeks away, we’ll be able to tell.” 

Phil half listened to her words, too busy ogling over the baby on the screen. He was still staring when the babies hand suddenly moved, up in the air almost like a wave towards the monitor. “Did you see that?” Dan asked. 

Phil nodded. “It moved,” he cried out, “Dan, it moved!” 

Phil leaned down and placed a kiss on Dan’s cheek, letting it linger as the feeling of wetness suddenly hit his skin. He pulled back to see Dan crying. He had his eyes shut and he was trying so hard to contain his emotions. The nurse had stopped the ultrasound by now, and was already preparing to print the photos out. But Phil didn’t pay any attention to her. He just bent down and hugged Dan. 

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked, a gentle tone in his voice. 

“I didn’t think I was actually going to see a baby.” Dan sobbed. “I can’t believe it’s actually there.” 

“Can’t believe it in a good way?” 

“Mhm.” 

Phil pulled back, and noticed the beginning of a smirk break out on Dan’s lips as he let out a laugh and wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize for your emotions.” 

Dan smiled up at Phil, just as the nurse handed him a cloth to wipe away any of the gel. 

They walked out of the office with a manilla folder of a strip of ultrasound photos that showed the beautiful baby that Dan was growing inside of him.

As soon as Phil got home, after saying a long and tearful goodbye to Dan as he dropped him off at his house, Phil ran up to his room. Dan gave him one of the photos to keep so Phil knew immediately he was going to hang it up. Taking a pin, he quickly pinned the small photo to his wall above his bed, and stared at it. 

The baby was still so vivid and the movement that Phil saw was emblazoned in his head. It was an image he was never going to forget. 

******

As Dan neared his eighteenth week, the talking began. Phil knew that Dan was aware of it, but if it bothered Dan, he didn’t know. 

Dan couldn’t hide his pregnancy anymore. He tried with baggy jumpers and shirts but his bump was getting far too big to be covered. And mostly, it was because Dan was showing at a faster rate than most people. Dan had told Phil that they had discovered Dan was born with both male and female anatomy. However, Dan didn’t have a visible vagina to show that. He had a penis. But inside of him, he had a womb that apparently was fully functioning. Dan is still unaware of how he was able to conceive, and the doctors too called him a ‘miracle of science’ but to Dan, he was happy to grow a life inside of him. 

The first day that Dan embraced his pregnancy was the day he and Phil were going to find out the sex of the baby. Dan had spent the night at Phil’s house, forgetting his clothing in the process. So instead, he borrowed one of Phil’s shirts and a pair of Phil’s pants. But they were tight, extremely so on Dan’s not curvy frame. So Dan decided today was the day he wasn’t going to hide it anymore. 

And he walked into school was his small bump on proud display. 

*****

They were sat on Phil’s bed, Dan in between Phil’s legs and Phil’s hand on Dan’s bump. He was rubbing him, soothing his stomach after Dan complained of having terrible heartburn. Phil just wanted to comfort him, make him feel good. 

Dan was nearly asleep, going to the doctors always wore him out. Heavy activity was something that Dan had trouble doing now. His feet were beginning to smell already and his limbs always felt weighted down and heavy. His center of gravity was shifting and it was making him more and more tired with each day. 

As Dan fell asleep, Phil looked up, the new picture of the ultrasound pinned next to the other one. It was a beautiful picture of their little boy. The little boy that they had just found out they were having today. Dan was so happy to hear it was a boy and Phil was as well. 

Phil secretly had wanted a boy. 

But it was not long after the appointment that Phil began to feel sadness over this. Every time he saw the baby, he saw it as his own. But that wasn’t the case. His DNA was not any part of the growing creation inside of Dan. The baby was Dan and Mitch. And that hurt for Phil. It really really hurt him to think about. 

He continued rubbing Dan’s stomach as he slept, pressing down on his belly to massage the area. He knew how much Dan liked that. It was soothing and comforting to him. He continued doing so until he felt…something. He couldn’t quite pick up what it was so he continued rubbing the same area just to the left of Dan’s belly button. And he felt it again. It was a tiny little amount of pressure that was hitting right in Phil’s palm. 

That’s when he realized what it was. 

The baby was kicking! 

He immediately woke Dan up, shaking his shoulders gently as Dan stirred and murmured. “What are you doing?” 

“That baby is kicking!” 

Dan opened his eyes further.“Oh, yeah, he does that sometimes.” 

Phil’s eyes widened and he placed his hand securely on Dan’s bump. “And you didn’t tell me?” His voice shook slightly with hurt. 

Dan turned on the bed, maneuvering himself so he was kneeling between Phil’s legs now. “He just started kicking like two days ago.” 

Phil felt better at that, but he still wished he would have known about this giant milestone. Dan sighed and reached forward, grabbing Phil’s hands in his own. He placed them gently on his stomach, and pressed down. “Here,” Dan said softly. “He’s kicking right now so feel.” 

Phil focused all of his energy on the anticipated feeling he was about to experience again. He waited on baited breath until he felt the strong little nudge at his palm, “See?” 

Phil nodded. “He’s strong already.” 

Dan nodded back. “Yeah,” he paused. “He’s like his father.” 

Phil felt his ego swell momentarily from Dan’s words but it deflated just as quick. He wasn’t the babies father. He never would be the babies biological father. It was always going to be Mitch. And it hurt so badly for him to know this. These thoughts just kept circulating over and over again in his head. 

“Hey,” Dan said, letting go of Phil’s hand, “Don’t do that.” 

“Do what?” 

“You’re pouting because I mentioned Mitch.” 

Phil didn’t even realize he was doing anything wrong. But he quickly tried to stop it, even if his muscles around his mouth constantly wanted to dip into a frown. 

“I can’t help it.” 

Dan sighed a deep heavy sigh, “I know.” he brought his hands up to Phil’s face and held him steady, their eyes piercing into each other. “But you’re always going to be his father. He may not hold half of your DNA, but you’re still his father, Phil. You stepped up when Mitch wouldn’t and that’s what makes _you_ his father. By science, yeah, Mitch is his daddy, but you’re his father.” 

Phil felt tears prick his eyes as he took in Dan’s words. He let a few spill out as Dan leaned forward and engulfed Phil in a massive hug. Neither one of them could contain their emotions, letting the other cry into them as they just rocked back and forth. Phil placed his hand on the back of Dan’s neck and fished his fingers into his hair. He didn’t want to ever let Dan go. 

And he didn’t. 

****

“Do you even go to work anymore?” 

Phil turned to PJ who was sat next to him on his bed. It was the first time in weeks that he and PJ have hung out. Normally it was just him and Dan but Dan had plans. Dan’s mother was taking him baby shopping and Dan was super excited to start buying things for the baby. He wanted Phil to go with them but PJ wanted to hang out so he told Dan that he would go with him some other time. Dan understand wasn’t upset about it, which Phil was happy with. 

“I work on Monday’s and Wednesday’s.” 

“Yeah, but I never hear of you mentioning work.” 

“I work in the store for five hours on a cash register.” Phil said with a chuckle. “There isn’t really that much for me to talk about.” 

“Well,” PJ said, “How about talking about you and Dan instead then?” 

“What do you want to know?” Phil asked. 

“Well, for starters.” PJ turned his back to Phil and pointed at the wall. “Why do you have a photo of an ultrasound taped onto your wall?” 

Phil suddenly panicked. He had forgotten that he had those photos there! He called the photos his good luck charm because every time he looked at the baby, his day was made better. But in this case, his day could not have gone any worse. 

“Whose baby is that?” PJ asked. “Is it…did you knock up a girl?” 

Phil shook his head quickly, “No—no, it’s…it’s not mine.” 

“Then whose is it?” 

Phil didn’t want to tell PJ about Dan, but he was pushed into a corner. He had no other choice but to tell PJ, and he hoped that Dan would forgive him later because of it. 

“It’s Dan’s…” 

“Dan knocked up a girl?” 

“No…Dan’s pregnant.” 

PJ eyes widened, and his mouth fell open. He stared at Phil in shock as Phil bit his lip and waited for PJ’s response. 

“But Dan is a guy?” 

“Dan was born with a fully functioning female reproductive system.” Phil retorted. 

“Are you the father?” PJ asked carefully. 

“No.” 

“Mitch is?” 

Phil nodded. PJ covered his mouth in shock before slowly lowering his hand. He appeared at a loss for words. He didn’t seem to know what to say and frankly, Phil didn’t quite know what to say either. It was a giant thing to hear from someone. This isn’t exactly the easiest news to hear in any occasion. 

“Man,” PJ finally said, “I give you props for being able to step up to that plate like that.” 

“It hasn’t been easy.” 

“I can imagine.” 

The rest of the time that PJ was there, it was mostly silent. Neither one of them really knew what to say to other, but it was okay. In the end, PJ congratulated him and Dan and left. And not long after, Dan showed up with a couple bags of outfits that he couldn’t wait to show Phil.

And he had a lot of information to pass onto Phil as well.“I was reading online to start a hospital bag really early,” Dan began, “because you don’t know when you’re going to go into labor.” 

“Dan, you’re not even 20 weeks.” 

“Yeah, but I’m a high risk pregnancy.” he said sadly. “I need to be prepared for anything.” 

Phil nodded, sadly that was true. But the doctors have reassured Dan multiple times that he was healthy and the baby was going to perfect. 

“Well, we don’t even have half of what we need.” 

“I don’t even have the nursery started.” 

“Well, what are we waiting for then?” Phil asked. “Let’s get started!” 

“The nursery is going be at my house.” Dan stated. “So maybe this weekend we can get started? I want to do an animal theme, with blues and greens!” 

“Sounds perfect.” 

*****

When Phil received his first letter back saying he was accepted into his dream school, he nearly cried with relief. He has has this college in mind ever since he knew what a college was. And the fact that he got accepted made him so happy. 

So much so that he made the mistake of telling Dan about it. 

They were sitting in Phil’s living room, Dan was eating a bag of dill pickle potato chips and scrolling through his phone, and Phil just blurted it out. And the minute he did, Dan began to cry. At first, Phil didn’t know why Dan was crying because wasn’t this a good thing? And then it hit him. 

Dan couldn’t go to college properly…

“I had dreams to go to college.” Dan sniffled. “And now they’re all gone.” 

“No,” Phil quickly comforted, “They’re not gone.” 

Phil moved from his seat in the chair to over next to Dan. He put his arm around Dan and let him snuggle into his side. He was so excited over the thought of going to the college of his dreams that he never stopped to think that he as also having a baby with Dan. 

“We can always go to a community college downtown?” Phil suggested. 

Dan shrugged. “But then that ruins your college plans.” 

“Hey, nothing is ruining my plans. I want to be with you and help you raise the baby. I’m not going to leave you behind.” 

“But then I’d sound selfish.” Dan retorted. 

“No, you’re not selfish.” 

Dan wiggled around in his position and put his hand on his belly. “Baby boy is kicking again.” he said softly. “Do you want to feel?” 

Phil nodded and put his hand on Dan’s stomach, feeling the powerful kicks against his palm again. He let himself get lost in the feeling of the baby, not letting the idea of college cloud his brain. They ended the evening with a slow kissing session, followed by Dan leaving for the night. 

As Dan left, Phil couldn’t help but feel guilty for making Dan sad. But he knew that what Dan was saying was true. His dreams of college were going to be askew for a while. 

*****

When January came, and Phil turned 18, he began to look at apartments near the downtown community colleges. He didn’t tell Dan about it, but Dan found out soon enough when he saw Phil’s recent searches when he used his laptop. 

“What did I tell you?” Dan asked. 

“ _You_ didn’t tell me anything.” 

“I told you that you should go to your dream school and not go to a community college.” 

“But it’s what I want to do.” Phil stated. “We can move into an apartment after high school, and the baby can go to your parent’s when we’re at college.” 

“I’m not _going_ to college.” Dan snapped. 

“What do you mean?” 

“As soon as I finish high school, I’m done.” Dan replied. “I already talked to my parent’s and they think that the best decision for me would be to be a stay at home dad. And _you_ should go to college.” 

“Dan…” 

Dan’s eyes began to fill with tears and soon they were spilling over. Phil gathered Dan in his arms and laid down with him on his bed. “Hey,” Phil comforted, “We’ll figure it out slowly.” 

“Phil, I’m due in April.” 

“I know.” Phil said. “We’ll get it figured out.” 

“I love you.” 

“I know.” Phil repeated. “I love you too.” 

******

Dan announced his pregnancy at 27 weeks. He found it was too hard at that point to continue on hiding it when he was already so big and almost a three fourths of the way through the pregnancy. He did it fairly simply. Phil helped him take the photo and then Dan announced it on Facebook. And it was over. Everyone knew after that. 

Following the announcement, school became hard for Dan. Teachers began to see him differently and he was treated miserably. And Phil was too. Everyone thought that the baby was Phil’s and that led to a lot of unsettled altercations between Phil and others around the school. 

But worst of all was the way Mitch acted. 

Phil tried to ignore Mitch’s poignant stares at him as he walked down the hallway. He tired to ignore the whispers Mitch would say as he and Dan made their way through the crowds. But it just got to him. He wanted to yell at Mitch, tell him to knock it off because the baby was his and he wanted nothing to do with him. And Phil found that disgusting because what person wouldn’t step up and be a father when they baby is theirs? 

It began to affect Dan a lot. 

Dan began to become clingy, never wanting to leave Phil’s side for the fear of being ridiculed. It hurt Phil a lot to see Dan like this but to be fair, Dan had a very valid point for all of his behavior. Not only was he now 30 weeks pregnant, but his hormones were all out of whack. 

Dan cried at the littlest things. Just the other night, Dan realized he couldn’t bend over to put on his show and he cried so hard Phil thought he was going to burst a blood vessel. And before that— just literally minutes before—Dan had screamed at Phil because he didn’t have any more pickles. 

Dan—for lack of better terms—was a hot mess, a pregnant and beautiful hot mess. 

But that also led to other things besides just the sadness and anger. 

They were laying together on Phil’s bed when Dan began to fidget. He started kissing Phil’s jaw and then slowly moved to his mouth. The kissing was innocent for a while, until Dan suddenly moved, straddling Phil’s waist and putting his hands on Phil’s jaw. 

Phil pulled back. 

“What are you doing?” he asked. 

Dan’s face was flushed red and his breathing was heavy. His mouth moved, as if to speak but he couldn’t make out the words. But then he did and they came out so fast, Phil almost didn’t catch them. “I’m really horny and the doctor told me that sex was okay and so I really wanna have sex. That is if you want to.” 

“You wanna have sex?” Phil questioned. 

Dan nodded furiously. “So badly Phil! I’m so horny and I need it! The doctor told me sex at this stage is really healthy because it can help prepare me for labor. And as long as we aren’t rough, nothing will happen. The baby won’t even know what’s happening.” 

Phil felt a little uncomfortable with the request. He loved Dan and in normal circumstances, he wouldn’t have turned down a chance to have sex with him. But this was different. 

“Dan…don’t you think this is a little odd?” 

Dan’s eyes began to show signs of pleading, “I need it so much, Phil!” He cried. “I’ve been using a dildo but it’s not the same! I need the real thing and I need it so bad.” 

Phil was hardly aroused when Dan began to speak, but the mention of using a dildo and how much he needed him was sending Phil over the edge extremely fast. He could feel the arousal peeking in him and the blood rushing south. “How will we do it?” 

“I’ll be on top!” Dan exclaimed, reaching between them and starting to tug at the pair of panties he was wearing and pushing them down, “I’ll ride you. I haven’t gone this long without sex in so long, you don’t even know how badly I need it.” 

“I don’t know if I have anything.” Phil said worriedly, suddenly trying to remember if he had any condoms or lube. He hadn’t had any use for either of them in a while. He jerked off occasionally but mostly in the shower where water helped a lot. 

“That’s okay!” Dan replied. “I have lube in my bag over there and we don’t have to worry about a condom. I trust you and even though Mitch and I weren’t exactly careful, I know he wouldn’t have given me anything.” 

Phil grimaced at the mention of Mitch but quickly pushed it out of his head as he leaned over his bed, rolling Dan slightly off from him in the process, and grabbing his bag. 

Finding the lube, Phil turned back to Dan, only to see him completely naked, his hard cock pointing out from under his enlarged belly. It was leaking, red and angry. Phil swallowed, realizing just how desperate Dan actually was. 

As he pulled Dan back onto him, the only words he said were, “We’ll have to be quiet. My mom is the room next door.”

It was awkward. Immensely so. Phil even had to admit that. Dan grew tried after moving for just a few minutes, and then complained that the baby was kicking too much and ruining the moment. But then they changed positions and that made it a little bit better. 

Phil would have been lying if he said it didn’t take him long to finish. It took him impossibly long and Dan had already came three times by the time Phil even became close. 

But it was memorable. And Phil _did_ enjoy it. So he knew that it didn’t matter how awkward it actually was. Dan certainly got exactly what he needed out of it and Phil was more than happy to help. In fact, he ‘helped’ one more time that night before they went to sleep. And one more time the following morning before they headed off to school. 

****

At 32 weeks, Dan and Phil’s parent’s threw Dan a baby shower. It was nothing huge, but Dan had a big turnout. It was mostly both of their families and Mitch’s family even came. They knew that the baby was Mitch’s, and they wanted to help Dan out a little bit. They ended up gifting Dan a stroller set and Phil was happy to see that Dan was getting all of the expensive stuff that they couldn’t afford as gifts. 

Phil knew that Dan would never admit it, but he knew how much the baby shower meant to Dan. Dan didn’t have many people to stick by him but seeing everyone turn up at this event made Dan extremely happy. And Phil liked seeing Dan happy. 

By the end of the shower, Dan was tired and his feet hurt, so Phil scooped him up and took him back to his home. Phil ended up staying the night at Dan’s that night, which was the opposite of what they normally did. 

By 35 weeks, Phil began to get into a panic mode. He knew that the baby was coming soon, and he and Dan still needed to prepare a lot. Dan had mostly everything ready, but it still seemed like they were missing so much. 

Dan was extremely moody to be around, which the doctor had warned Phil about just a few weeks prior at his second to last appointment before his schedule c-section on April 22nd. But Phil wasn’t expecting Dan to outright turn into the hulk the last few weeks. 

He eventually ended up letting Dan do his own thing while Phil did his own thing with PJ. Phil’s mother gave up her office space so he could create a small nursery for Dan for when Dan came over with ‘baby H’. Baby H ended up being their unofficial name for the baby, since Dan still was unsure of what to name him. They had discussed names but nothing was set in stone yet. 

PJ was good at helping Phil mellow out the last few weeks. He made sure Phil was eating properly and drinking plenty of water. Phil knew that he was nervous of Phil going into a panic attack over Dan and making sure everything was perfect, so he helped keep him less stressed. 

At 38 weeks, everything became suddenly real. 

Phil was on his way home from work when he got a weird text from Dan. None of the words made sense and it seemed like he typed it fast: it was riddled with typos. He hurried his driving back home, worried something had happened to Dan. 

When he burst through the front door of his house, where Dan had been waiting for him ever since he left five hours ago, he was greeted by Dan who was sat on his couch. He had his hands poised on his stomach and he was breathing heavily. 

“Dan, what’s going…” 

Phil’s foot suddenly stepped into a puddle of liquid on the floor. He looked down, unsure of what it was until Dan said, “I’m—uhh…I’m sorry…my—my water broke over there and I’m about to have the baby.” 

Phil was in shock. Where did the water even gush from? How was this possible? Dan wasn’t due for another couple of weeks. Phil’s mom wasn’t even home to help him out of the shock. She was out of town for the weekend on a work retreat with some of her friends. 

Phil panicked. 

He began grabbing everything he could that he knew he needed to have for the baby. He started piling the bags into the back of his car before running in and grabbing Dan, helping him outside. “My contractions are five minutes apart now.” 

“Where is the baby even coming out of?” Phil asked, pushing Dan gently into the car before shutting the door. 

He went around and got in, not even bothering to buckle his seat belt as he sped off towards downtown where the hospital was. 

“I…I don’t know…but it’s so much pressure. I feel like I’m gonna burst.” 

The drive to the hospital felt like it took forever and of course, Phil hit every red light on the way there. The stopping and going was jarring Dan who seemed to be in incredible pain and Phil didn’t know how to help him. They weren’t prepared for the actual labor part. 

Dan was supposed to go in at 9am on April 22nd and have the baby. Not 8:39pm on April 4th. 

Once at the hospital, everything seemed to happen all at once. Phil hardly had time to process what was happening until Dan was suddenly taken to the operating room where Phil was told he wasn’t allowed to go, given that Dan was a high risk pregnancy. 

Before they took Dan away, Phil cried, looking at the way Dan was in so much pain and he couldn’t help him. He kissed him, holding his hand as they wheeled him out and then he sat back, waiting in the room until Dan came back. 

It wasn’t long. 

Phil had felt like he had just sat down when Dan came back. Phil looked at him, spying over him to see the little bundle of blue in his arms. Dan was holding the blue blanket, looking down at it and smiling, gentle tears running down his cheeks. 

Phil quickly got up and rushed over to him, looking down to see the perfect bundle that was their baby. He was sat content in the blanket, his eyes shut and his lips pursed. He had dark brown hair that was sliding out from under his slightly too big cap. 

“He weighed six pounds, fifteen ounces and he’s twenty inches long.” Dan said. “And he had a full head of hair and rosiest cheeks in the world.” 

“What are we going to name him?” Phil asked. He reached down, moving the blanket further off from the babies face. 

“James Michael.” Dan said softly. “After his daddies middle names.” 

Dan barely got his sentence out when the nurse came in, telling Dan that they needed to begin skin to skin contact between him and James. They had Dan remove his gown off from his chest and they flattened the bed down, placing James just over his heart. 

Phil watched as they slept peacefully in the bed. Both of his angels so calm and quiet. He snapped the photo and sent it to his mom, before Dan’s parents came in and began cooing over him themselves. 

Dan stayed three days in the hospital, and in those three days, he was given a crash course on what to do to help ensure James eating and how to properly care for him. Mitch tried to make an appearance when he found out James born. Dan let Mitch see him but the minute Mitch began to spew the baby wasn’t his, Dan had him removed by security. 

The baby was Mitch’s. Even Phil could see that. He wished so desperately that he could look down and see himself within James but he knew he never would. Even as a newborn, James was a spitting image of Mitch and there was nothing no one could do about that. 

In the end, Phil signed the birth certificate and considered himself a father. 

Dan came back to school at the end of May, just in time to finish out his senior year and graduate. He brought James to the graduation and all of their classmates begged to see the little brown haired, brown eyed boy that was coddled in Dan’s arms. 

Dan was a natural mother figure for James. He didn’t everything perfectly and Phil envied that about him. The first time Phil had to feed him, he accidentally got too many bubbles in the nipple of the bottle and James threw up all over him. Then that same day, the first time cried to change him, James peed all down Phil’s shirt. 

And Dan stood in the background and laughed before he took over both roles, reassuring Phil that he would learn soon enough. 

They moved into their own apartment that September, bringing James with them as they began community college together that fall downtown. Phil’s mom and Dan’s parent’s took turns watching James during the week for Dan and Phil. And even on occasion, Mitch’s parent’s took James as well to babysit. Phil kept his job at the supermarket and Dan remained a stay at home dad when he wasn’t busy with school work. 

But they always made it work. 

And they always will, as Dan dons the flash of a diamond on his left hand and the promise of a bright future for he and James in his heart…with Phil by his side the entire time of course. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are definitely appreciated! If you like this work, check out my other ones and come say "hi" on my Tumblr blog [Lilacskylester](http://lilacskylester.tumblr.com)!


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